April 28, 2010

Feeling a little hopeless :(

It's pretty ironic how just last week I remember reading another blogger post something quite similar to this particular post. Idk if it was fate's way of foreshadowing what was going to happen with me and my situation, or just a coincidence. Either way, it kinda creeps me out. At the beginning of the year, I vowed to myself that no matter how cute, sweet, and "perfect" a guy I would come across my senior year, I would NOT crush on them or get too attached to where my feelings would be hurt if they were not returned. Why? Because I have way too much shit on my plate like classes, plays, and college crap to get done. Not to mention how sick I am of being the girl that's there for "comfort", or that's looked at as a "friend", or a straight up booty call! It's always been like this for me and although I have had some boyfriends in the past, but I can't say that they were very successful relationships.

Sometimes, I feel like someone put an awful curse on me to where no guy would want to consider me their girlfriend. Yes, I know that this all sounds really lame and pathetic but this is the honest to God truth and it kills me to know that some girls who don't even try have a far better love life than myself. I know I don't come off as desperate, because I've seen girls who are desperate and I will never stoop to that level for any man, so I know that's not the problem. Thankfully it isn't that crucial since I'm so young . . . however, I can't help but wonder if this pattern will ever change for me down the road. Or if there is something truly wrong with me that I continuously keep failing to see when it comes to pursuing my crushes. I'm going insane asking myself what could be the problem. Is it with me, or them? But it can't possibly be with just them . . . there's been way too many for me to even consider that. And by many, I mean guys I've liked throughout the years. People usually are shocked when I tell them that I am single because they feel that I'm really pretty and yadda yadda yadda, which is sweet and all but if that's the truth, then why don't I have anybody? I mean, I can honestly say that I am not ugly. I can also say that my personality is quite friendly and sweet, unless of course you attempt to change that for any reason. So why the hell am I the girl with nobody to hold hands with, or call late at night, or go watch a movie, or be a date to prom? Yeah, that's right. This all emerged from a certain potential "prom date" who I felt was so close to asking me out to prom after bonding the past few weeks, but no. The fool asks this chick who I, oh-so-ironically, happen to loathe. What is up with that? I hate it when guys give me mixed signals like that because that's how I always get dragged in, thinking there's still a glimmer of hope! Why would anyone do that especially knowing that the girl might actually have feelings for you?

I don't get it. I've been told things change once you go to college but I'm not sure how true that is. I've lost hope. Seriously. It's like there really is no helping me at this point or any other because this ALWAYS happens to me and it's like no one can really relate to me or understand where I'm coming from because everybody around me is in a relationship or can at least get into one without as much trouble as myself. It's unfair. & if it's God's way of saying that there's something better down the road and I don't need these scumbags as bfs, I sure hope whoever it is comes soon because I'm growing more and more sick of waiting.

I might just become an asexual because not even girls would wanna get with me, I'm sure. Okay, maybe that last bit was inappropriate, but it's most likely true. Whatever.


I'm out.

7 comments :

  1. Gabrielle Handy4/29/10, 5:38 PM

    I totally feel the same way its like were friends but then he stares into my eyes and talks to me everyday but goes for another girl.(arrgh)its like i have JUST FRIEND MATERIAL on my head lol

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  2. Oh, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but I understand your feelings. I haven't had much luck with guys either, but my terrible relationships have taught me things. I also wish I had bf, but I try not to worry about it and do things for myself.

    I think things do change when you get to college, there is just a way broader group of people to meet/choose from.

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  3. Gabrielle, if I were you I'd slowly detach myself from him cuz it seems like he's using you as some sort of comfort instead of taking the bigger step and ask you to be his gf which isn't fair to you at all.

    Thnk you Sara Mari. I hope you're right about things changing in college cuz idk how much more i can take of this crap :(

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  4. "it's God's way of saying that there's something better down the road and I don't need these scumbags as bfs, "

    lol thats crazy i say that all the time.
    but sometimes i get sick of being single.

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  5. be patient ... concentrate on yourself, being who you wanna be, doing what you wanna do because these things will change if you get in a relationship, t the end of the day your very young, when your time comes it will come, just dont waste your time waiting for a guy just live your life until you can, guys are major drawbacks tbh... yh we all want 1 but before loving someone you need to learn to be with yourself and be confident without a guy, you were born by yourself, not with a bf and you will also die alone ( no offence , we all do) so just b patient.... by im no hipocrite lol i had onli 1 relationship n he used me, no1 has ever really accepted my love n im in university already but im learning to live with me n enjoy my live n time alone without a companion, friends r way better anyway!

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  6. I used to be the same exact way, every guy i was with was just a bust and id always want to have a boyfriend
    they'd all end up wanting to be in my panties or just plain dumb
    Until i hit this age [meaning 17 XD] and i changed my whole way of thinking. I dont need a guy to make me happy [or girl since i ride that swing XD] i didnt need to have guy
    And that is how i became happy with my guy now for 8 months O_o
    This is the longest and best relationship i have ever had
    I do think that if it isnt working with you now, you will find mr. perfection in college <3
    I was going to wait til then lol but ended up dating a guy thats in college so it kind of counts right lol

    I HOPE YOU THE BEST OF LOVE LUCK
    SENDING GOOD VIBES AND HAPPINESS YOUR WAY <333

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  7. Wow. You guys are just great I tell ya haha! I almost cried a bit lol. I mean, I do have confidence issues believe it or not, so I guess that's why I take it so hard when I experience this sort of thing with guys but I'm really trying to get out of that habit bc i know that it isn't healthy for me.

    i suppose i'll just have to keep waiting and focus on school, work, becoming a full time gyaru, and just doing me. Boys can come later. I just wish I wasn't surrounded by so many cute ones, that's all T^T lol!

    *hugs everybody*

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