It's pretty ironic how just last week I remember reading another blogger post something quite similar to this particular post. Idk if it was fate's way of foreshadowing what was going to happen with me and my situation, or just a coincidence. Either way, it kinda creeps me out. At the beginning of the year, I vowed to myself that no matter how cute, sweet, and "perfect" a guy I would come across my senior year, I would NOT crush on them or get too attached to where my feelings would be hurt if they were not returned. Why? Because I have way too much shit on my plate like classes, plays, and college crap to get done. Not to mention how sick I am of being the girl that's there for "comfort", or that's looked at as a "friend", or a straight up booty call! It's always been like this for me and although I have had some boyfriends in the past, but I can't say that they were very successful relationships.
Sometimes, I feel like someone put an awful curse on me to where no guy would want to consider me their girlfriend. Yes, I know that this all sounds really lame and pathetic but this is the honest to God truth and it kills me to know that some girls who don't even try have a far better love life than myself. I know I don't come off as desperate, because I've seen girls who are desperate and I will never stoop to that level for any man, so I know that's not the problem. Thankfully it isn't that crucial since I'm so young . . . however, I can't help but wonder if this pattern will ever change for me down the road. Or if there is something truly wrong with me that I continuously keep failing to see when it comes to pursuing my crushes. I'm going insane asking myself what could be the problem. Is it with me, or them? But it can't possibly be with just them . . . there's been way too many for me to even consider that. And by many, I mean guys I've liked throughout the years. People usually are shocked when I tell them that I am single because they feel that I'm really pretty and yadda yadda yadda, which is sweet and all but if that's the truth, then why don't I have anybody? I mean, I can honestly say that I am not ugly. I can also say that my personality is quite friendly and sweet, unless of course you attempt to change that for any reason. So why the hell am I the girl with nobody to hold hands with, or call late at night, or go watch a movie, or be a date to prom? Yeah, that's right. This all emerged from a certain potential "prom date" who I felt was so close to asking me out to prom after bonding the past few weeks, but no. The fool asks this chick who I, oh-so-ironically, happen to loathe. What is up with that? I hate it when guys give me mixed signals like that because that's how I always get dragged in, thinking there's still a glimmer of hope! Why would anyone do that especially knowing that the girl might actually have feelings for you?
I don't get it. I've been told things change once you go to college but I'm not sure how true that is. I've lost hope. Seriously. It's like there really is no helping me at this point or any other because this ALWAYS happens to me and it's like no one can really relate to me or understand where I'm coming from because everybody around me is in a relationship or can at least get into one without as much trouble as myself. It's unfair. & if it's God's way of saying that there's something better down the road and I don't need these scumbags as bfs, I sure hope whoever it is comes soon because I'm growing more and more sick of waiting.
I might just become an asexual because not even girls would wanna get with me, I'm sure. Okay, maybe that last bit was inappropriate, but it's most likely true. Whatever.