After reading certain forums on different websites over the past month or so, I've come to realize that being a gyaru in this country, especially my city, is pretty tough. It's even more tough if you tend to be self-conscious and don't have any support within your group of friends for this new style you'd like to partake in. Don't get me wrong, I definitely expected that this would be one of the main problems I would come to encounter throughout all of this but I didn't realize how hard it actually is when I am sitting there debating with myself whether or not I should pull off my false lashes and face probably getting teased, or not and end up not looking "gyaru enough" when I know I damn well need the practice. I know I'm not the only person out there who is in my shoes.
When I see gals who aren't from Japan, being a more open minded country in some aspects, I wonder what they go through mentally when they head outside of the comforts of their homes dressed the way they are dressed. I'm sure they have an everlasting amount of confidence that helps them go through with it that I so desperately wish I could have but if only I knew some sort of secret or tip on how to just do me without worry about everyone around me :/
Usually before I consider wearing a gyaru look, I ask myself, what will society think of this or that? And after taking away everything from my outfits that might make someone stare or comment, I end up with a typically cute outfit T___T In my eyes, everything will look good "gyaru wise" but to many others I'm sure they'll point and laugh, make smartass remarks, and ultimately cause my self-esteem to plummet which will definitely make me never want to go out in public dressed in such a way again! It's also why I haven't tried to get on everyday_gyaru on lj because I know if I ever hear that I'm on gyaru secrets and get bashed xcore like some of the ppl do on there, that would be one of the very rare times I would actually take offense to what some stranger over the internet had to say about me. I so much fear that happening so that I don't even attempt to take that risk. Call me a coward all you want, but this is more of a long term battle I've had with myself ever since I was in kindergarten. Being brutally judged and criticized is and has always been unbearably painful for me. After years of research on different styles I've finally found one that appeals to me the strongest and yet I can't even come to wear it because I'm too afraid of what people will think. Pretty pathetic, huh? Well that's the absolute truth. I don't claim to be gyaru and although I'm hoping one day I will, there's still a great possibility that it might not ever happen for me. I guess I just gotta keep on truckin'.