Here I am yet again comparing myself to other up and rising youtubers.
Idk why I try sometimes. I feel like I inspire people, which is awesome because in a sense that was primarily my entire idea of creating a channel in the first place.
But since the very first time I made it up to now, I feel like I'm losing my muchness.
I feel like I used to be so much more . . . muchier.
Alright I know that was weak copying The Mad Hater but it's so relevant to this situation right now, I had to use it. I can't explain what it was back then but there was a huge thing I had going for me back then and now I'd be lucky if my video got up to 200 views within the first day of me uploading it which I do not understand at all because I have over 800 subscribers O.O Goes to show you the numbers mean nothing.
Back when I was starting out, I thought if I were to ever reach a number of subs anywhere NEAR that amount my channel would be bursting with people commenting each video I made and showing me love but it's like even though I've never had this many before, they're all ignoring me or no longer interested and it sucks to tell you the truth.
NO I'm not thinking of closing down my channel and reason being is because I feel like regardless of how little attention my videos are getting today, I'm proud of a select few that I know for a fact have and still are encouraging girls (especially of color) to be who they want to be and embrace their interests in Asian pop culture despite the stereotypes and lack of understanding from their family, friends, and overall society. I still get people on my facebook writing me saying thanks and how much they admire me for what I do. To be honest I almost tear up each time I read one of those ^^;
It's strange because after writing all this I think I have come to a catharsis...is that what it is? Blah! Anyway, I realized that even if I'm getting 5 views a day on a new video or a really old one, I'm only doing it for them. They're the reason why I did this in the first place. I can give a flying fuck about the numbers, the popularity, the ranking, the views, ALL OF IT!
As long as my videos are reaching out to somebody then that's all that matters. So expect more from me. I'll try not to let any of you down :)