March 19, 2012

- - MAJOR HIATUS ! ! ! - -

Where do I fucking start. This has been the worst break I've had in years! I've been planning to catch you guys up on what's been going on with me lately because a few things have, except about 3 weeks ago my camera that I was trying to deco got damaged from the glue inside of the lens and unfortunately it was unrepairable after Kevin tried to fix it for me. So that was one reason why I haven't been updating and even though my phone takes good pictures, I'd still rather use my camera. Then I decided to at least post about the stuff that I just had sitting in my files recently at the very least but school work came and bit me painfully in the butt with work and studying so that made me even later on posting those!

Then spring break comes and here I am thinking I have all this time to recuperate with all the lost time I encountered previously only to find out two days into my spring break, the internet and cable services at my entire apartment complex completely shits out for an unknown reason in which for the past week they have been attempting to fix. At this point, I'm beginning to hate anyone associated with the team at the office...even the garbage men. Not so much for failing to give our cable services back, but by failing to give us my internet for the entire fucking spring break!! Ironically enough, the cable came back on two days ago, but did the internet? Nope. I am indeed being trolled.

Did I mention I had an assignment due Sunday night at exactly 11pm? Had I not turned it in, my grade definitely wouldn't have been passable by the end of this semester, so I'm thinking the best decision would be to take my laptop to a free wi-fi area and work diligently on my essay which is what I did all Sunday afternoon till it hit 6. Mind you, I rarely ever like to sacrifice my Sundays for anything unless it is absolutely crucial because those days are for me and Kevin to see each other. Having that said, you can imagine how important a task this was for me to get finished on time. When I got to a stopping point, I looked back and saw I was 97% done with everything. I just needed to re-read it, polish it up, and drop it into the drop box online. But. Yes that fucking but is what did it all, literally because I had to take a fucking SHIT! I was holding it in for hours ever since I started on the damn thing and mind you guys that I relocated from the library to a Barnes & Nobles that had no outlets. It was for the stupidest reason too. Some clumsy ass motherfucker tripped over a cord so they had to plug in all of the outlets. WHY SHOULD THAT CAUSE THE WHOLE STORE TO NO LONGER ALLOW PEOPLE TO CHARGE THEIR FUCKING LAPTOPS?!! The sense that makes is minimal to me, I can't...*sigh* I guess to avoid having people sue them, yeah yeah but shit! Seriously?? I'm going off on a tangent, but aside from that, when I came back, my laptop was on sleep mode. I wiggle my mouse like I normally would to wake it up and instantly a blue screen popped up displaying a few things ranging from "corrupted required...insert boot disk..." and some other shit I didn't get a chance to read before it immediately shut down completely. My lungs froze up and my heart fell into the pit of my stomach. My first thought was the my shit might have at least been auto-saved so I can easily restore whatever was lost and continue on about my day. No need to worry just yet. Except my laptop was not allowing me to get past a screen asking to insert my boot disk which I did not possess at the time, nor did I have any idea of wtf it even looked like! I panicked. What do to? What to do? Anything except cry in front of all of these strangers at Starbucks (still inside the B&N) I call Kevin since he was one of the few people I know who area pretty tech savvy. I explain to him in the calmest voice I could manage to give off to mask the terror and frenzy running through my true emotions and he thankfully said he'd be right over to help me out. My sister, who was with me at the time, left me since I was getting a ride home with him and she no longer needed the internet there. Kevin calls a few minutes after she leaves only to tell me he got a flat fucking tire from the same one some idiot put on his car last week incorrectly and says he won't be able to make it anymore. Fuck me with a pine tree, can I die now? I get fucking desperate and call a few other of my guy friends for help. First guy didn't answer, so I left a message. Second guy did but told me it was hopeless, that my hard drive either was fried or I had a virus that caused the problem, and that it would not be fixed before 11pm that night. He said that I should either A) purchase a new laptop or B) send it to some tech support however A would be the wiser choice. I wanted to cry after getting off the phone. Even though he didn't have the final say of my laptop, I still believed he was most likely right. After I realized that I was still left stranded now I called Vicky and asked if she could please come back out to pick me up after explaining to her Kevin's situation with his truck and she said yes reluctantly. Unfortunately for her, Kevin calls back and said he put in his extra tire and was going to be on his way again when she already arrived. Fuck. I tell my sister nvm, and she was pissed but if she couldn't fix my laptop then I didn't care, so she drove back home and said she wasn't coming back out again for anything else I needed.

Kevin comes with bloody, grimy, scarred up hands from changing his tire. I felt horrible enough as it was having him go through that because of me, but to see both of his hands in that state was almost overkill so I bought him and I orange mango and banana smoothie from Starbucks while he went to the bathroom to clean up. We both took a sip and agreed they could have been better smoothies. Lesson learned, Starbucks has shitty overpriced tasteless smoothies, never again. He comes back and starts to work on my laptop then the battery decides to die ever so timely. Again, B&N has no outlets so we had to relocate once again to Mozart (Korean bakery) and continue on from there. He got to work and even began to take the thing apart at one point. He brought his laptop so I could work on my homework ALL OVER AGAIN while he was attempting to fix mine. After about a 45 minutes passed, he tells me there was nothing he could do for it and that I should look for a new laptop as well or at least get an internal hard drive. I had no other choice than to accept it apathetically and continue to focus on my homework. It was 10:45pm and my paper looked like absolute cow dung compared to how it originally was but it was better to turn that in than nothing so I did what I could and dropped it off just 2 minutes before 11pm.

Let me just explain really briefly what I lost from my laptop being dead. Photoshop cs5, sony vegas pro 9, countless files I had yet to backed up into my external hard drive and my mother's money to buy a new one. Now, I am most likely on a quest to find a better and more durable laptop. Goodbye HP Pavilion Notebook. Hello potential Toshiba or Acer. I just hate having my mom shell out more money on things like this. Did I also say that within the same week of all this happening, I just renewed my protection with AVG for that laptop? I almost want a refund if it was a virus. if all of this was not enough, today, I find out I made an 87 instead of a 97 on my Stats test which was because of a stupidshitfuck mistake. Kind of a small thing really, so I just said whatever but in my next class, I found out that I will only make a B in English this semester at the very highest because stupid me decided to not turn in two easy assignments. What killed me and will be responsible for my nervous breakdown whenever I get the moment to be in some solitude today is this. I will not be granted any financial aid this summer like I planned because of miscommunication in the office unlike what I was initially informed. I may have to get a second job now or not take those summer classes and just take them all in the fall which will drive me to an early grave.

THEREFORE, I won't be blogging/uploading Youtube videos for who knows how long. And my Spring Gal meet is coming up in 2 weeks and I feel like this is going to be a huge reason for me to feel less happy about the whole thing since my plan was to share it with you guys with the best quality photos/videos but now it may not happen in that way. I NEED SOMEONE TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS MISFORTUNE!! I know shit happens but fuck, why all of this all at once? And please...if you are going to give me words of encouragement, please don't say anything related to or of the nature of, least you're not dead right now. Normally I tell myself that to combat with all of this deprssion, but I simply do not want to hear that at the moment at all. I'm in a pissy mood enough as it is, that will just add feul to the fire.

TLTR - Spring break sucked. Life is sucking. I have no camera, no working laptop, internet access at home = no online updates on me unless it is through facebook or tumblr.



  1. I really am sorry you had to go through all this. But taking a hiatus might be best.  I can kind of understand what you are going through b/c right now school is kicking my ass and my grades are suffering. I need to cut back on some things too. All this stress is literally making my hair fall out T.T I will be crossing my fingers and praying for the both us to make it through. <3

  2. Everyone needs a period to just log off for a while and fix everything that's happening off the cyber world. Take your break for as long as you need it so that you can come back with full force!

  3. Studies are strangling my neck as we speak.. I do sometimes have to take it slow && Not post up anything ect.. I know that this Hiatus is not PLANNED... matter of fact this  type of hiatus a misfortune.. I love your postings. So it will be esp sad to not see photos from the Meet coming up :/ Please just hang in there.. Then you can come back with a bang! && maybe even a ne wlook upon stuff. :) I'll be waiting.. *Not in a creepy way tho lol*

  4. You're so right. Idk...I really think this is life's way of telling me that tbh because it's the only way I can rationalize why this is all happening to me the way it is. Thanks for the support Ivie. You're always such a sweetheart <3

  5. I think it will be possible for me to upload photos of the meet using my boyfriends cam at the very least. It just won't be edited the way I would have liked but it's better than nothing at this point. Thank you for your kind words!

  6. Thank you Nami! I wish you the best of luck and I'm so sorry to hear that this is effecting your health the way it is. With time, things will get better, I'm just going to continue telling myself that.

  7. Life takes a shit on you sometimes in small, medium, or large sizes. And I have two choices. Wipe the shit off of you so you don't smell like it (aka let it control you or submerge in useless issues or just slowly regain your footing in life). 
    Option two is to let the shit stay on you and let it keep bothering you.
    I really do hope that things are going a lot better for you since the disastrous events.
    Rest up and take all the time you need. We will be waiting for you:). 

  8. Awe! That's so unfortunate. I hope things go better for you, and at least you didn't fail. That would have been the worst!


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