July 19, 2013

Leaving The Community And Finding My Own Way.

I really needed to get this off my chest and say that being in the black gyaru community has been a thing of the past for me recently. There were a few reasons that lead me to make that decision on my own but the last straw was witnessing what imo was uncalled for cattiness from what should have been a lighthearted group activity to bring unity. It didn't surprise me that it all went down the way it did after seeing how those who participated in adding fuel to the fire were the very same members I knew from the beginning were going to discourage other members from fully participating due to their abrasive inconsiderate online personas. How no one else saw this coming beats the hell out of me but I digress. As an introvert and someone who understands where a lot of new gals are at, I do not blame them for feeling that way. Being gal does mean having tough skin yes, of course. We all know that, however there comes a point when it is clear who likes to fuck around with people just for the lulz and who is genuinely aiming to help members get better at looking the best they possibly can with a strong sense of sisterhood. It's so obvious to determine who those people are for me and who those people aren't that it's both confusing and frustrating when others can't judge them correctly. *sigh* smdh.

For me, moderating such a group was enjoyable for a few reasons: It giving people new ideas, suggestions, sharing stories, the funny moments but the best of all seeing actual improvements in so many gals which was what the group was about! I improved being in that group and learning from others after posting several different pictures of my make up, hair and outfits throughout my time there as well and I felt great knowing that. Really, the best way to get the most out of groups such as these is to post your progress pictures of yourself for critique which we often preached others to always do BUT you cannot do that if fear of being unnecessarily ridiculed is a major factor. Especially if we have repeat offenders who feel they can say whatever the hell they want and get off with a slap on the wrist from the admins. I never for a second thought it was fucking fair and I decided that if that's how things were going to be run then it was definitely time to step out of what was gradually becoming a mad house. These chicks aren't royalty but they're quick to pop off at the mouth if they feel like they're being challenged so dealing with them was what I think started the biggest issue because nobody was wanting to be bothered with such a fight so they were able to continue on like this as if they're sneaky stabs at people were tolerable. I saw how the group's moderation was losing it's control to these members and it was making us look weak. I could not stand for that...

Near the end of me being in that group, I could no longer see growth being as frequent as it used to be in such an online environment, but I could see drama growing more rampant and shit talking behind others backs on people's Facebook statuses increasing (Christ, if I had a nickel for every time I saw that happen...). I could see friendships faltering and trust being lost by others as well as discouragement replacing what used to be love and encouragement between one another. Despite all of the new issues arising, before I left I felt like maybe there was still a sliver a hope left for it to bounce back to how it used to be. Unfortunately, that wasn't enough for me to stay as I simply didn't want to be apart of a community that I felt had already gained a new bias of the people known solely for bringing drama instead of seeing eye to eye with where I was coming from. Funny enough, after I left I did receive a few messages in my inbox from members who also felt the same way I did after reading my responses during the argument as well as the farewell post I made before deleting myself from the group entirely. Guess who they were? Members who rarely ever posted but lurked the comm for those reasons mentioned earlier. Reading their messages saddened me a bit because they were sad to see me go but this really was for the best. There were many times when I wanted go beast mode and attack the girls who did all of the attacking to others on several different occasions because of the anger I had at them for ruining the peace there used to be in that group but as an admin and someone who also wanted to remain in the group I used to love, I repeatedly held my tongue. That is of course until the fiasco that tipped me over the edge. And a message to those who it concerns from me personally those beautiful bunch of people (sarcasm)...

It doesn't matter how well you execute a style or pretend to be a friend to others online. If you have an ugly heart, mind, and/or personality which many others can detect, then there is a deeper issue than what you are willing to acknowledge within yourself. Stop acting like the world applauds the rude antics you're so proud of creating and quit parading yourself to be the realest bitch in the comm because you show the public you're someone who's not worth getting to know on a deeper level than your the ugliest parts of who you are. You're a fucking caricature. You proud of that Because that shit ain't cute hunty so stop. They know who they are.

Have my opinions changed about those who I used to respect in the midst of all of this? I'm not going to lie, yes they sure as hell have and it's a shame but at least now I really know who my truest online friends are and who can honestly just stay as online acquaintances at best. It's a relief to actually know for once instead of always playing a guessing game. People can be so damn inauthentic and they're getting more sneaky about it these days too. After leaving, I wanna just do me by attempting different styles and looks. Maybe incorporate more colors in my make up from now on too. Also, I want to just learn new things on my own as well. Asking people for help is nice and I will still do it if I really feel like I need to, don't get me wrong but sometimes depending on others all the time holds me back so I'm going to do this one solo and see how that goes ^ ^ Before I go, I gotta say this. If you're thinking of leaving the community you're in, don't think you'll be stuck with no one to lean on. There will always be a nice little replacement that your comm once occupied in your free time :) You just gotta know what you are looking for and go for it! 

19 comments :

  1. Aww Crystal. I totally understand what you're saying. I'm usually one of those who just sit quietly in the background and lurk.

    It's hard because in any of the gal communities you don't want to be the one in the spotlight or even near the spotlight. Cause when things blow up it gets ridiculous real fast for those involved. It's sad that we have such a strong tendency to tear each other down and ruin everyone else's day. But I suppose that's just how life is.

    I'm glad you were able to work out your relationships. It's really tough when you don't know who to trust. I'm excited to see your growth and I hope that you have better luck with your online connections in the future ^__^ <3 Take care!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yeah honestly I am happy I made the decision I did. Too much negativity and every time I tried to step in with a positive attitude it'd get overshadowed by the drama starters and drama supporters. Getting fed up with it made me realize it's not meant for me. The gyaru style will always still be a heavy influence on how I do my make up but the people in the gal comm can stay in their little ring of entertainment as I want no part of it. Thanks for being so encouraging! I'm pretty excited to get started and bigger and better things!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm really glad you made this post, I got kicked out of the group for not participating enough (even though I visited daily, I just didn't like posting there) At first it kinda sucked because I got kicked without any warning, but now I'm glad I got removed. Because over the past few months I have come to realize that I don't really need the community for the inspiration to do the things that I want to do. I don't need to use any of the energy (from others) or to witness any of the drama to improve myself. I know what I aspire to do and no one else can tell my what that is. I think getting removed has actually helped my confidence lol


    I'm glad you got yourself out and are feeling comfortable and free in what you want to do! I really admire your style! So thanks :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Awh, well good luck and things! <3 I know the feeling... I've been thinking about gal as I haven't been that inspired lately, so I don't know what I'm doing atm! I'll still be gal but maybe just do whatever I wanna' do with it ^^

    ReplyDelete
  5. I've been thinking about disassociating myself with the gal community myself tbqh; you took the words right out of my mouth.

    There's just too much drama going on nowadays; too much knit-picking at each others looks/ less encouragement...

    ReplyDelete
  6. I totally understand how you feel, I'm more of a lurker then a poster when it come to the gal community, it's just to much drama and my life is already over dramatic. I'll always love Gyaru and i'll always try my hardest to achieve my best look but the gal community isn't extremely important to me. It's supposed to be fun not stressful. :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I totally know that feel. Good for you girl! <3

    I think a little encouragement goes a long way, so anytime! You're such a sweetheart I see no reason why not to encourage you to love yourself and do your thing ^__^

    ReplyDelete
  8. ahhh you're so sweet! *hugs* Thank you!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I think I remember reading something like that on one of your recent posts and I think it's fine to venture out with your imagination with fashion instead of being held back by the communities Do's and Don'ts. That's not to say that everyone is strict like that in the gal comm but a good amount of the people I know in it are and it restricts you from really having fun with your wardrobe. I'd love to see you try other styles one day! :D

    ReplyDelete
  10. true, plus I feel like although there are great members and people who are in the community the gals who I looked up to the most have been out of gal for over a year or so now and so I guess my motivation has slowly diminished into nothingness after I realized how much more there than just gyaru fashion and the lifestyle. Not throwing shade on those who decide to stay in it though, it's just my preference to do what I want to do but also stay away from the bitchy people who are apart of the reason why so many people are turned off by the gal community.

    ReplyDelete
  11. It really is too much drama. There's more than it should be and it's highly unnecessary about 90% of the time which is ridiculous. Fun is definitely something that is a must for me. Without fun, what's the damn point? lol ugh...people just don't see that I suppose but oh well. I cleaned my hands from that community and feel way better now :D

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh man...sorry to hear that. I am glad though you've grown without it...I can see why it hinders people to actually grow now. Before I'd be upset when I saw so many people continuously staying inactive or posting the same looks without much change but it's just not the environment where people feel comfortable to really open up entirely to critique like it used to be to even want to change because of the new members that recently joined. I just think it's terrible hearing the things like what you're saying because I know at one point people like yourself would have definitely enjoyed your time there as a member had it not been for the actions of the members who always cause the most fucking drama. And honestly, I thank you for sharing your experience with me because I feel even better about my decision. It was time to go and I feel like I can only move up from here on out! :D It's a really great feeling to have.

    ReplyDelete
  13. I left the black gyaru facebook group too... :/ I just felt like no one was connecting with me no matter how hard I tried to make friends... Everyone just ignored me and continued to only talk to those they already knew...
    I'm still on my search for awesome online friends though! :D lol

    ReplyDelete
  14. I only posted like 2 photos and people where hating and bitching on me for my photos not being gyaru.
    I i got kicked out of the group that same day.
    ... that community is full of jealousy, and everyone there is either bitchy or mean.

    I had to get this off my chest.
    I was a beginner at that time though, made me change my mind about the whole black gyaru thing.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Yeah it's ridiculous. I can't stand hearing people just rip others apart over nothing...it's so trivial. I will never go back and am wayyyyyy happier being out of that shit hole. I noticed there's been a major decline too ever since I last was in it with the admins and even the gyaru comm as a whole itself seems to be dying.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I'm sorry to hear that and I understand. I feel like a lot of people do that because they don't trust new gen gals or they feel like they need to kiss their asses for to eventually be accepted which is nonsense to me. You will find them soon dear ^ ^ Have faith!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi! so was going through your blog and read this post again and started thinking, I just didn't feel the same way about gal like i used to. everything just became overwhelming, the fighting in the black gal comm., the whole G_S crap, the comparison to the japanese gals, I just felt like i wanted to pursue something new

    http://himehearts101.blogspot.com/2013/09/moving-on.html

    its all in my post here. My heart feels good for getting this off my chest like you did.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Good for you :) I know how you feel...g_s really did the community as a whole in. No one realized what was most important and that was the sisterly bonds between all of us. Now I'm afraid it's too late for it to ever be the same but what can you do. Thanks for sharing your post with me! I'll be sure to check it out!

    ReplyDelete

Thoughts? Opinions? Leave 'em below, I'd love to hear it!